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When you think of Hamas, you generally think of terrorism, or at least we do. However, Hamas is rewriting their charter to become more moderate, including softening their stance on Israel. They’ve decided to distance themselves from the Muslim Brotherhood, a Sunni Islamic organization, who has weakened drastically in strength since the coup of Egyptian President Mohamed Morsi.

We aren’t exactly sure how Hamas can change the face of their organization internationally, being Sunni Muslims believe in a religion driven government, which allows women to be property, female genital mutilation, progressive violence to resolve issues, and just generally being assholes. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve met a lot of Christian assholes as well, but we perceive the rape of women to being as equally disgusting as pedophilia.

Today, we’ve started seeing the new face of Hamas in pictures, from hugging babies to helping old ladies cross the street. Yesterday, pictures of Hamas included tripping old ladies and kicking puppies, so we are pleasantly surprised by the night and day change.

How does Hamas’ new image affect you?

We’re glad you asked. It really doesn’t change anything. This new position is similar to a parole board hearing, where a murderer claims they are a changed person. Nobody really believes it, and maybe that person will “try” to be a better person, but their behaviors are temporary. We fully expect that Hamas will revert back to their previous antics, at which point we hope Israel will kick their asses a bit more, and maybe expel them to Egypt, where they can find similar minded savages to associate with.

Have no fear, we will follow up with a story of how Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, as soon as the roadside bombings take place in upcoming weeks. We have complete faith their bad behaviors will resurface in a timely manner. The good news, is we may be able to actually see their faces for the first time, at which point we can index their faces for future terroristic actions.